Our cheeks, can brush here...

Well you are the one who always lies close to me
Whipsers, "Hello, I've missed you quite terribly"
I fell in love, In love with you suddenly...
Now there's no place else I could be but here in your
arms..

Too good to be true?
Maybe.
But this time I think
I'll enjoy it, till the facade and
the mask fades away...
until the mirror cracks
until you are awoken from the dream
I want to be wanted.
too much to ask?

'Cause I know how it hurts...

I swore I'd never fall again..
But this doesn't even feel like falling..

Although I must admit i'm frightened.
Every little thing has to be perfect.
This has to work, I can't take anymore

heartbreak.

I can see his Halo, I'm hoping
he's going to save me from any
more pain....

But I still miss...

What do you do when your heart is in two places?
What do you do when your mind is thinking twice,
about the decisions you thought right.
What if it ends up like last time..
What if theres nobody to hear you cry?
Is this right? Or is it wrong?
I'm afraid of the destruction i've caused.
its irreversible.

Someone like you....

Here we go..All over again.
The way he looks into my eyes.
reading every section of my saddened soul.
I swear he can see so deep inside of me,

I'm frightened
enthralled.
thrilled.
I miss this feeling.
I loathe this feeling.
What do I do?
Do I lash out..or let this take its toll on me?
I don't think my emotional fragility can take another battering....

Dear Mother- You have destroyed my future and my dreams...and I sincerely hope that you're happy.
Dear work- Thankyou. Thanks to you i can't demonstrate my true ability. And I'll probably be a barmaid the rest of my life.
Dear sister- I love you...but i hate you at the same time. I'm sure when we get older i'll depend on you...or not.
Dear Adam, Yes I've named you. Thankyou for being a prick. You've made me a stronger harder person. And I hope you realise what you've done. and regret it.
Dear you-know-who, Thankyou for pretending to actually feel something for 3 weeks...you've made me find the biggest happiness in my life at the moment, and trust me when I say, it ain't you sunshine.
Dear those who hate me, I hope one day you'll grow up. That is all.
Dear Gran, Throughout my life you've been my rock, and I want to make you proud, I hope that I can even though I'm not at the moment.
Dear Ben, you're also my rock, you're loved by my family and right now I know that what you want isn't what I'm giving you at the moment, but i'm sure i'll realise my mistakes and you'll get your time to shine.
Dear Tie, Leighanne, Ant, all those that there's quite a few to name, Thankyou also. I realise you are true friends. And when we're older I hope we look back and we smile and remember the good times we've had. And most of all I hope we're lifetime friends....You've done so much for me and the best thing is you don't read this and you won't realise until we move on.
Dear self, When you read back at this and realise that amongst here are mistakes, and those people who deserve a medal for putting up with you. I hope you smile at all the good memories and can say you've overcome work and your mother. I also hope that you grit your teeth and work your butt off, you deserve to escape here and be something more.

That is all.

Realisation?

Maybe I'm finding happiness in the smaller things in life.
Boys don't matter.
At all.
And it's time to appreciate the real pleasures in life, smile when i feel down, turn around a frown, dance in the rain and cherish the people who really do matter.
and photograph more!
Definately the latter. I miss it so very dearly.
My artistic ability is being surpressed.

I'm so sick of this.

Why do you raise your voice so often over the smallest things?
Being this hard on me isnt normal. okay?
I'm trying my bloody best, and i'm absoloutely sick of being
shot down with my efforts.
You should be thankful for the things i do, not pick fault
with everything that i've done wrong/haven't done.
That is all.

No hush.

All the things he said..

All the things he said..

Running through my head.

Will I ever be free?

I could die,

I want to cry.

I'm freaking out.
Big time.
What if i don't get A's
in this exam?
I'll ruin my dreams of veterinary :(
I'm scared.
So very fucking scared....